It's Been Awhile
Updated: Jul 22, 2019
Oh my, my my, what a year… er, I mean month-sss. Make sure you say the zzz sound as you read monthsss, let there be a zap to all those sss. Because that is how the last three months have felt. I’ll be honest, writing this is hard. But not as hard as making the choice to pull my debut book on the eve of it’s release, or was it the eve’s eve? Either way, I cried. I worried. I asked every author I thought, that would be kind, what to do. Then I deleted the message, cuz, I didn’t want to be a burden.
Before we get in any further of who knows what this post will be about, let me tell you how incredible hard this is to write. I’m taking my mask off and being real. For some, this means nothing, for me, this is one big epic deal! I wear a mask, always. I never leave my house without it. But right now, I just want to be real.
On May 14th my debut novel Tailor Made, was to be released. On the 4th I sent ARC’s out to bloggers. A day later, I got a crushing review. One that she emailed it to me, she told me that my book had a few, okay I don’t really recall what she said, but it had some major plot holes. I was shocked. I was like, Tailor Made, no. I have had 5 Alpha readers 4 Beta reads and an editor read through it. It can’t be that off. (This isn’t to knock ANY of my readers, at all – I love each of you dearly, and can’t Thank You enough for your support and hel
Then I hired a proofreader. She found a few key missing points. Between this one review, and the proofreader, I was like we got them all, right? I questioned everything. Next, I started to draft emails and messages to close authors, only to delete them. I did keep one of them, but who knows if that will ever see the light of day, it’s really negative.
Finally, I pushed send on one email, to one major author. She messaged me on Facebook asking if I was able to talk with her on the phone. I jumped, of course, she will know what to do, she will hold all the answers.
She held no answers.
But she asked a hell of a lot of questions, some I could answer and some I couldn’t. Then between the two of us, we (really me) decided to pull my book on the 13th of May.
I slept great for the first time in two months. I woke up early on Monday morning, after reviewing FB telling all the night before I had pulled my book. I still had a few takeovers to manage and people to talk with to HOLD THE PRESS.
You would imagine my surprise, when Amazon had charged all those that had preordered my book. WTF Mate! I called amazon, was transferred 4 maybe 5 times, before I got to someone who basically told me, tough shit. They can refund it or update it when you have a competed manuscript.
I. Was. Crushed.
What would I tell the 50 souls, who I don’t know who bought the book, that they either have to request a refund OR wait for me to get a completed MS.
I made some sorry for an excuse post, that I have no idea if any of the 50 saw it. Slowly, a few people came forward and I would apologize profusely for this horror story that Tailor Made is right now. PS, all they can read is the Blurb. Fun fact, I can’t make changes until I have a release date… I still don’t have a release date.
In the meantime of May 14th and Today, June 5th. I have done hardly anything, except kill my story over and over again, in my mind. My mind took over and the self-deprecating thoughts and the negative self-talk has been nonstop.
I’ve been a mess.
To be honest, I don’t recall a time in the last few years where I have been so mean to myself. I gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose, and I closed myself from basically everyone, emotional.
These last three months, have flat out sucked.
I’m so proud of myself. When I first had the thought of pulling Tailor Made, I didn’t think it would ever see the light of day again. But, I love that word right now, I hired a new editor, who found 18 more content errors (this doesn’t include the ones from my proofreader or the beta readers). I am on number 14 of fixing them and for the first time, in three months, I love Tailor Made, again. It’s been a love/hate relationship, heavy on the hate. But, hehe there’s that word again, the love is coming back.
I still don’t have a release date, buuut, I’ll have more details next month.
If you feel you have ever hit rock bottom, I know my bottom was smaller this time around, however, for me, it felt like my ship was on fire and I was standing on shore looking at the fire blazing, standing with a teacup in my hand, praying that me holding the cup would put out the burning ship.
Turns out, I had to build another raft, and I’m currently salvaging what I can from the wreck. Don’t worry, My team is a little strong this go around then it was the first time I went to publish my book.
And yes, it takes a team. Don’t do it alone or skimp in editor’s. Use many.
Biggest lesson I learned:
1. Self Care
2. Self Love
These two will get you further in life, then most anything.
1. Hire three different editors: Content, Line, and Proof
2. Your brain is funny and it starts to miss things
Believe in yourself. Many people believe in you, but if you don’t believe in yourself, you’ll stand on that island and watch as the ship burns to bit.
Keep going – we have so much more to learn in this life.
Without the hard times, we wouldn’t appreciate the good ones. I’m blessed to be able to write, to have found my passion and to love what I do. I hope you can do what you love too.